Alex: I just missed my chance to get paid for life

Me: How so?

Alex: A guy driving a Comcast truck almost didn't stop at the stop sign and was skidding only because he was gonna hit me. but i jumped out of the way.  if i would've stayed there i probably would have flown 5 to 8 feet but i could have taken it. there wasn't any other traffic at the time.

night before an exam

me:  i can totally do this. im so badass--i dont need no sleep

fuck sleep. sleep is for pussies 

Alex:  Yes you can! I love sleep but I am what I eat

alex: i wish i lived back in the day

me: back in what day?

alex: like back before people had to wear clothes and shit.

Exam 1

 me:  hey--good luck on your first exam!!!! i love you--i know you'll kill it

 Alex:  Thanks babe

.....5 minutes pass...

Alex:  I got drunk lol. Ill still win though

me:  ok don't tell me that. you're gonna give me a panic attack for you
Alex:  Don't worry I mesmerized everything !!!!!!

...10 minutes pass...

Alex:  I know the whole story just by the name and I just created everything into a huge story and dramatic so I remember!

Bitches

alex: i know it sounded like bitches but i meant to say ambition... i swear.

hey girl...

alex: what are you doing?
me: working on evidence
alex: why you workin girl, you ain't gotta work that shit no more. you got this girl.
me: huh?
alex: I'm fucked up.

on his looks

me: alex go to bed

alex: no i have a point to make

me: ok make your point and then go to bed

alex: ok what i'm trying to say is that i have a burgundy brown hair. it's not black. it's beautiful it frames my face elegantly. if i were in the 70's all the girls would be after me. even if i were forty. don't call it black. don't you be racist against my hair.